What If – Copywriters Went on Strike?

Dear Brother Verrone:

The
National Writers Union, UAW Local 1981, the nation’s only trade union
dedicated to advocating for the rights and economic betterment of
freelance writers, stands in solidarity with our brother and sister
writers of the Writers Guild of America – West in your fight for
writers’ rights and justice and a fair contract. Our union, too, knows
of the injustice of Internet revenues bypassing the first creators of
written works – the writers. We agree that it has been far too long
that writers are denied their fair share of Internet revenues generated
by their creations. We are hopeful that you will be victorious in this
struggle.

In solidarity,

Gerard Colby

I’m not sure that Gerard is bringing Krispy Kreme, Dominos, or ‘Mexican delicacies’ to the writers on the picket line. But showing solidarity for the cause – along with a few other unions, like the Screen Actors’ Guild and the Teamsters – is an important step. Recognizing the "the injustice of Internet revenues bypassing the first creators" is something that could become a standard battle cry for anyone involved in the creation or production of material used on the Internet – to make money, of course. Can you imagine? Banner-Generators Unite! Stand strong against the evil forces that are benefiting from your creative genius and coding hours!

But seriously, what if? What if, inspired by the Writers’ Guild strike (which, if it continues, will make for slim pickings in the TV network’s christmas stocking this year) the copywriters banded together and made demands? What would they ask for? I have some ideas.

1. Fair working conditions: ban Joss Stone and Buddha Bar from all coffeehouses. In the office, give out Clever Points for every witty comment, email, text, or instant message. Make points redeemable for vegan donuts, Pinkberry, and film festival movie passes.

2. Stop thinking it’s so cool when we misspell. Lite, Skool, Krazy??? Yes, we know Ameri(k)ans love it, but we refuse to continue encouraging ignorance of proper grammar and spelling.

3. Acknowledge The Dream: Shower us with coffee mugs that say "Careful, you may end up in my novel" and "I live between the lines." Redact all the names of writers in the New Yorker and replace with ours. Offer trophies, jackets, money, and fame.

Ok, that’s enough. We’re not striking yet. Back to work…

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